O Lord fix my brain, I think it has ants
check if I’ve had a monkey brain transplant
when I think, I hear a mis-wired echo
floating in Kool Aid, infused with Jello
the primate next to me lost in a haze
the chemo clowns dancing us through our daze
their tv blaring with laugh tracks and claps
mimicking incessant bubble wrap snaps
I feel as if I could swing from a tree
if I can find one, others might join me
I begin to stand but grow faint and stop
and thump to the floor like a dumbbell dropped
I was flung like an undone tether ball
a roller coasters gut-punching free fall
I wake up, although I wasn’t asleep
that was SOME hallucinogenic dream!
at home there were days I could barely move
this body screamed, it may never improve
chemo kept causing massive hot flashes
that’s probably what fried my eyelashes
my brains sizzled like a busted meatball
browned and seared to my opposing skull walls
couldn’t remember when I took my pills
or when to order and pick up refills
lost my glasses and put on my old pair
misplaced the new ones and I didn’t know where
looked under the bed and sink and toaster
in the microwave and turkey roaster
I realized it was very hard to see
must be filmed with smudges or bacon grease
I saw when I went to clean the lenses
That I was wearing both sets of glasses!
my brain shriveled, the circuits had severed
have memories disappeared forever?
Why do some patients continue to thrive?
perhaps their conditions aren’t multiplied
they can go to work like some think I should
but I can’t find the sock that’s on my foot
“she must be cured since she’s no longer bald”
my heads got hair but it’s frizzed from the fog
once I removed the pressure to produce
as my capacity remained reduced
a door opened that had long remained shut
the handle lost since the halt was abrupt
was struggling to financially survive
got lost in the cycle, barely alive
I forgot to focus on my Lords truths
clenched my jaw so tight that I broke a tooth
I almost bit through my night time bite splint
time to rebuild with my Master’s blueprint
had to let God be God instead of me
as he promised, he provides for my needs
so while my brain is still playing ping-pong
the Lord takes my weakness and makes me strong
I came close to dying but I’m still here
feeling worthless I asked him “why?” for years
I found the answer was there all along
it’s to point others to the grace of God
my life, like Paul’s, was worth nothing to me
if not used to share what set me free
and the suffering and trials we face
are testimonies others can embrace
through the Holy Spirit may Jesus shine
make me a beacon to reflect your light
Cindy Hammond
inspired by actual, un-embellished events
-and-
Acts 20:24
2 Corinthians 20:24
Cindy Hammond: Reflections of Hope and Heaven 