Chemo Brain Antics

O Lord fix my brain, I think it has ants

check if I’ve had a monkey brain transplant

when I think, I hear a mis-wired echo

floating in Kool Aid, infused with Jello

the primate next to me lost in a haze

the chemo clowns dancing us through our daze

their tv blaring with laugh tracks and claps

mimicking incessant bubble wrap snaps

I feel as if I could swing from a tree

if I can find one, others might join me

I begin to stand but grow faint and stop

and thump to the floor like a dumbbell dropped

I was flung like an undone tether ball

a roller coasters gut-punching free fall

I wake up, although I wasn’t asleep

that was SOME hallucinogenic dream!

at home there were days I could barely move

this body screamed, it may never improve

chemo kept causing massive hot flashes

that’s probably what fried my eyelashes

my brains sizzled like a busted meatball

browned and seared to my opposing skull walls

couldn’t remember when I took my pills

or when to order and pick up refills

lost my glasses and put on my old pair

misplaced the new ones and I didn’t know where

looked under the bed and sink and toaster

in the microwave and turkey roaster

I realized it was very hard to see

must be filmed with smudges or bacon grease

I saw when I went to clean the lenses

That I was wearing both sets of glasses!

my brain shriveled, the circuits had severed

have memories disappeared forever?

Why do some patients continue to thrive?

perhaps their conditions aren’t multiplied

they can go to work like some think I should

but I can’t find the sock that’s on my foot

“she must be cured since she’s no longer bald”

my heads got hair but it’s frizzed from the fog

once I removed the pressure to produce

as my capacity remained reduced

a door opened that had long remained shut

the handle lost since the halt was abrupt

was struggling to financially survive

got lost in the cycle, barely alive

I forgot to focus on my Lords truths

clenched my jaw so tight that I broke a tooth

I almost bit through my night time bite splint

time to rebuild with my Master’s blueprint

had to let God be God instead of me

as he promised, he provides for my needs

so while my brain is still playing ping-pong

the Lord takes my weakness and makes me strong

I came close to dying but I’m still here

feeling worthless I asked him “why?” for years

I found the answer was there all along

it’s to point others to the grace of God

my life, like Paul’s, was worth nothing to me

if not used to share what set me free

and the suffering and trials we face

are testimonies others can embrace

through the Holy Spirit may Jesus shine

make me a beacon to reflect your light

Cindy Hammond

inspired by actual, un-embellished events

-and-

Acts 20:24

2 Corinthians 20:24