Many years ago

when you were 8 weeks old

I gently straightened out your curled hand

And made a red handprint

you wrapped a hand around my finger

still too tiny to hold mine

and looked into my eyes

with wonder and love

Cindy Hammond

February 2018

I am yours, Lord

Your daughter

Your bride

Your servant

You have labored to love me

I’ve wounded you like I would no other

And through it all you’ve loved me

Rescued and saved me

Reshaped by the Sculptor almighty

I am Yours, Lord

Your daughter

Your bride

Your servant

Cindy Hammond

9-14-18

Ripped and Raw and hideous

Beauty congealed

Face wrapped in a downed power line

Electric, Epileptic wince

Teeth bared, gums blue

Death won’t come

Fight looms

Spastic

Corner-backed

Reflexive pounce

Into the my Savior’s arms

Free 

I run once more

With pounding grace

Gravel displaced

Cindy Hammond 2-9-16 

I was blessed with the pure love of a child who was my one miracle

The one who knew my heart better than anyone

And my heart remains unchanged

We have been ripped apart at the hand of the enemy revealed

Yet this book remains open

The end is nowhere near

And victory lies ahead

Because I believe in a God of miracles

Cindy Hammond 12-16-17

The sun is setting and it’s 64 degrees, down from 70 but I am warm sitting out in my jacket on the landing at the top of my steps.

The smell of the gas station overpowers that of the lilacs, but their visual overrides.

I would sit on the front porch but I am not feeling bold and the chairs are wet from the rain. 

My neck pain weighs heavy but is dulled by the birds singing and life going on all around me. 

No day passes without a tear when I think of my love, my son.

Our separation has been so long and it doesn’t get any easier.

Just different.

Chronic pain distracts from emotional pain, but I long to be pain free. 

How does a Mother’s heart keep beating without her only child?

I lost two during pregnancy, one by the brutal hand of my first husband.

How cruel that I have lost two before I could hold them in my arms

and now, the miracle who lives and breathes.

I am not lacking in gratitude.

My son lives and thrives and so do I, although both stunted and not flourishing as we could.

I continue to call for him in my heart and cry out in prayer to my God

My God of salvation 

My God of restoration

Cindy Hammond

May 11, 2016

Waning Ghost Moon

waning ghost moon’s sleepy-eyed slant

scanning horizon’s sweeping bough

plotting mastery of the sun’s rise

through night’s demise

inaudible whimper

with whispered sigh tilts

nights tear drips bellowing light

cadence escalates

birthing permeated swells

pausing in melodic refrain

sun’s rebirth

fulfilling God’s promise

to light our night to day

Cindy Hammond 2011

Surrender: Death of Self

Death of self.

Surrender.

Handing everything over to God.

EVERYTHING.

Only then can we find peace.

I FINALLY HAVE PEACE.

It’s a daily process, this surrender.

This practice of gratitude.

I continue to focus my eyes on Heaven because it defines my purpose here.

God waits for His children. He waited for me.

Cindy Hammond

Summer 2018

—–

John 13:34-35 (NLT)

So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”

“John 15:19 (NLT) The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you.”

Grace: Grateful for all I’ve lost

I am grateful for all that I’ve lost, because through it God has emptied me so He could fill me with his Spirit of peace and Light.

He has emptied me of hate and filled me with love.

This emptying of hate has been the ultimate healing and believe this – healing to the point where I can pray for the salvation of those who have hurt me and to pray for them by name is not something I could do without God having healed my heart.

I am grateful that God has given me more second chances than I deserve.

He waits for His children, and we are all his children.

Even our enemies.

He loved me even when I hated, when I was His enemy, and through that grace He is asking me to learn to love like that.

I am thankful for God’s patience with me and for the gift of daily surrender, because this healing and emptying and refilling is not a one time thing – it’s an all-day, everyday thing.

Without God I’m a mess.

With God, I have peace and for that I am grateful

Cindy Hammond

Thanksgiving Nov 22, 2018